Contemplations.

You would think that being invited for an interview for a really good nonprofit organization in NYC, the mother of all cities, would be something to make you ecstatic. After all, once you graduate college, this is just the kind of opportunity you’re looking for; a chance to move to the big city and kick start your life… 

Well I find myself sick to my stomach over the whole idea. It’s a city far away from my family and friends. And it starts before my lease I up. Not only that, but I have to manage to scrounge up the funds to get myself to New York for a one day interview when I’m already going later next month just for fun. Only problem is, there is not one interview day available during the time that I plan to be there.

I’ve have been wanting nothing more than to move to that city for about a year now. But I don’t think I’m ready. The hardest part for me is coming to terms with the fact that I would have to leave my loved ones behind. I can’t do that. Sure, I know a few people up in that area, and I’m sure I’d make new friends too… But, I have a great family that I’d probably never see, were I to move up there now, with no money, and I have an amazing boyfriend who I love more than anything. I couldn’t stand the thought of having to go every day without seeing him.

I’ve been told that you can’t let things like that hold you back. But I think that while a great career is extremely important, happiness still outweighs it. They say, happiness is the key to success. How can I be successful, if I’m not happy? That is the question.

Merry Christmas

Is today really Christmas Eve? Already? That's insane.
That being said, Merry Christmas everyone! I hope your holidays are full of hope, love and happiness. May the arguing be minimal and the harmony be plentiful.

Being that its Christmas, I supposed I can take today and tomorrow off from the job hunt. Take a step back from my resume, stop writing cover letters, postpone looking for new places to apply, and stop checking my e-mail like a crazy person...

Just for the net couple of days anyway :)

Happy Holidays!

The End of One Count Down and the Beginning of Another.

So it's finally over. 17 long years of formal education have finally ceased... for now anyway. we shall see if I return.

Graduated on Friday the 9th. It wasn't very exciting. Well at least not until I walked across the stage. Everything prior to that was almost unreal. It didn't feel like graduation even though I was sitting there with 1000 other students dressed in cap and gown, ready to take on the world. But then, the second I stepped on that stage, it was like everything else just disappeared. nothing existed except for me and that stage in my one moment of realization; I was graduating college. It was amazing and totally worth the entire two hours of boring-ness that I had to sit through.

And now, here I stand, a college graduate -- jobless and broke...

Now I just have to decide, do I want to stay in Tampa where I will probably have to continue busting my butt as a waitress while I hope to find work. Or do I want to try and find a job wherever I can? ... Undecided.

For now, I'll just hope for the best... Welcome to real life.

College Graduate.

I'm done. It's official. I finished my last class on Monday and received my passing grade of an A- yesterday. Now all that's left to do is walk, which I will be doing on Friday, one week from today at 9 o'clock in the morning.
I'm unbelievable excited :D

I'm looking forward to taking most of the month of December as a vacation. Then, in January, the job hunt begins :)

Until then, I collected my last check from the spa today, and I will be picking up shifts like crazy at beef's until the 8th.

Photo shoot on Sunday :) Yay.

I Think Notorious BIG Had it Wrong. No Mo Money, Way Mo Problems

Why does being in college have to be the equivalent of being poor? It sucks. I maybe should have considered my bills before I quite the job that served as my main source of income... Yeah.

Well I can at least afford my bills with what I have and what I'll be making before the winter holiday. I just can't spend on anything else... That's like the hardest thing ever. Especially considering that there are so many things I need, like, for instance, a new cord for my laptop. The old one decided to poop out on me and now my computer wont work because it can't charge. Sighs. A life with no computer is no life at all. Is that sad?
I guess I'll have to survive the next month and a half by using other peoples computers every chance I get.

Jobs...
I guess the Job I interviewed with is a no go. I've still heard nothing, and I was supposedly going to receive an e-mail last week regardless as to whether I got the position or not. Oh well. I'll just keep applying.
I did see an ad in the Oracle for an even more perfect job though. The fact that there is a job in my field available in Tampa is amazing in itself. So I applied. Currently, I am anxiously awaiting their reply.
Aside from this, I have also applied for an internship in the publications department with the Disney Corporation :D Wouldn't that be a fabulous gig to get? For me at least, hah! It would be a fantastic dream come true. Sadly, it's all the way in California. How would I survive by my self in that big state of desperate people? It wouldn't be easy.
But I'll still hope for good news from them as well.

Aside from all this, I am trying to enjoy my last few weeks as a college student.

I fear the day when I'll be saying, "Back when I was in college..."

Ready, Set, Graduate!

The count down begins...

A month from tomorrow I will be a college graduate. I can hardly believe it!
I feel like I need to start planning things, like, I already quit one job, now I need to get a real job lined up. I'm still waiting to hear back from the job I interviewed with last week. They told me I'd receive and e-mail this week regardless of whether I got the job or not. Nothing yet.
But that's not it. I need to make plans for celebrating. A Graduation party maybe? Some graduation trips?
I also need to save money like crazy! I know money is going to be tight once one of my jobs is gone. I guess that  means I also have to start planning on getting more hours at my other job. Yuck.
I also need to register for my graduation. It's funny, because that's something I keep talking about, but I haven't actually done it yet. And I have to figure out how to get a cap and gown... Maybe I should make an appointment with my adviser.

Ready or not, here it comes... But I am ready. Mentally anyway. For now.

We'll see how ready I am when it's all actually here.

Out With the Old and in With the New. So They Say.

So I finally caved and quit one of my jobs...

Not beefs. Sometimes I think I'll never get out of there.
I quit the Spa. It was just too much, and I'm really not very happy working there. I mean, I really like all the people I work with (excluding only a few...) but, It's just not the job for me, and apparently I'm not the only one who thinks so. Therefore, I quit.
... I'll still be there through November though. Maybe.

But the good news is I have a Job interview!!! Tomorrow!! And I'm so excited because it's for a job that's actually (more or less) in my field!!! :D I'm stoked and I have really high hopes for this interview tomorrow.
Getting an interview is hard enough, so the fact that this place actually even contacted me is AMAZING!
I'm hoping for the best possible outcome from this mess. I quit one job and hopefully I'll gain another. A better one. One that's more suited for me.
That would be ideal.

Wish me luck!

Work in Progress

Two years ago, I wrote a short story that my teacher told me she could see as a published story book for kids with pictures, but, that I just need to put more work into it to get it there...

So I studied every little detail of my story and tried my best to expand upon it and make it better. But I was stuck. I didn't know where to go. So I put it away to be worked on at a later date.

2 years went by and I finally got the motivation to take it out and look at it, (thanks to a coworker). I have new insights for it, and I am pretty sure about what I'm going to do with it. So much so, that I'm thinking I might be working on getting it published in the very near future. :)

I definitely would like to have it done by January, because there's a huge writers conference going on in New York that I plan on attending, and I know it would be ideal to have some kind of publishable piece prepared incase I meet any publishers.
So excited! :)

Not much excitement other than that for now. Still working hard. Still wanting to quit one of my jobs. But for now, I'm still holding on to both.

Who Has Time to Be Scared of Normal Things? Not Me.

I have an irrational fear... And let me tell you what, irrational fears are so hard to live with.

I mean, mine is pretty bad. Sometimes, it keeps me up at night. Other times I have nightmares that cause me to wake up screaming and literally leaping out of my bed, trying to get away.

But hey, Acceptance is the first step to recovery, right?

I mean seriously, I didn't always know that my fear was irrational. I actually had no idea until a couple years ago. I thought it was a normal fear that most people had.
Okay, so what is my fear? Let me tell you.

Cockroaches. The word itself is enough to make me shudder. I can't even look at a picture of one without freaking out... It's ridiculous, right? I mean whats it going to do to me? Nothing.

The sad part is I know that they can't hurt me, but I am still deathly afraid of them. It's even to the point where I cant step anywhere I've seen them crawl, or touch anything I've seen them touch. Bad right?

For example, earlier tonight I was at the bus stop waiting to go home, and I see one, a huge one, and it flies! No one else at the bus stop even noticed it, and here I am trying not to have a panic attack just from the very sight of it. And it was a crazy one too. It was running around everywhere, and then flying every now and then. It flew back and forth a couple times in front of the bus bench. This is when I had to get up and move as far away as I could, without looking strange, and all the while, keeping my eyes on it to make sure it didn't come near me. There was no way I was going to stop watching it for a second. Then I got paranoid and thought there might be more everywhere around me and I had to start looking around to make sure they weren't. I felt like my skin was crawling.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the bus came. I moved up to the bus, still being mindful of where the bug was to make sure it didn't try to sneak on the bus with us.

And then it lands on a boy's leg who was a few feet behind me. I freaked out. And all he did was shake it off and say, "aw hell naw! That's a big ass roach." For some reason, this made me laugh so hard. If that were me that the roach landed on, I would have gone running and screaming and probably crying too. But all this person did was shake it off, and say 'aw hell naw.

That's how I know my fear is irrational. End of story.

But for some reason, I just can't shake it.

When the Going Gets Tough, The Tough Should Take a Little Break. It's Good For Them.

Stress is going to kill me one day...

I don't know why but I always let myself get so stressed out over little things that really aren't worth it. And sometimes I get so stressed that it's painful... Literally! The sucky thing about all this stress is that I barely have the time to do the things that help me calm down and allow me to release some of the tension.

When life gets to the point where it's really stressful, which at this point in my life, it is (what with graduating, working two jobs and trying to save money), it's important to have time to do something that relaxes you. And, it's also important to have some kind of hobby that makes you feel good and that helps you forget about the stress and just wind down.
For me, this thing is art. I'm not the best artist, but for some reason, sitting down and just coloring, or drawing, or even messing around with photos or film really helps me to unwind and relax and forget about all my worries.
 I think I may have forgotten what that feels like because it has been so long since I've actually sat down to do this. And now, all my stress just builds up because all I do is think about it. I's really unhealthy, and it takes away from who I am as a person, and I don't like that. I'm sure other people don't like it either so, I know I need to do something about it.

I think it would be a good idea for anyone who is stressing out to just take a step back from everything and go do what makes you calm.
I'm going to go grab a pencil and some paper, and get to it.

Sometimes, Working Really Sucks.

Today was many things for me, but mostly, it was just bad...

Work today for some reason was just not working out. I was absent minded, flustered and I just wasn't on the ball with everything I'm supposed to do.

It was so bad in fact, that I had to be spoken with before I left. But it was a good thing. It helped me to realize that I'm slacking a little at work with my responsibilities because its a job that i don't really want. My frustration with this job is starting to affect my performance, and that's bad. So basically, what I learned is that I need to figure out how to separate in my mind, the way I act, with the way I feel... this is something I have always struggled with. I mean, lets face it, I have no poker face. I have a face that reveals all. I wear my emotions on my sleeve, and I often show people my feelings without meaning to. Oops. It's something that, to me, seems to be out of my control. For example, if I get embarrassed, my face turns red. Always. No matter what. It sucks.

But I am going to try and take a deep breath and forget about how I feel about this job. It's just a job. When I'm there, I can deal with everything in a calm manner and try my best not to get flustered and just remember that it's still a job, and if I want to get paid, I have to do it the right way whether I like it or not. And then, at the end of the day, when it's all over, it's over. I don't need to take the stress and frustration home with me. I can leave everything there to deal with when I go back the next day, and enjoy every moment that I'm not there, heh.

Meanwhile, I'll still be enjoying my very affordable spa day's and taking full advantage of the benefits that do come with working at a spa.

On the brighter side, I managed to get car insurance today for a pretty decent price. Yay me. We'll see how good I feel about it when I have to start paying the monthly bill, heh.

Positive Thinking Brings Positive Karma... I Hope

Ever since the summer, I had been looking forward to the career networking fair at USF, anxious to get the chance to talk to some potential employers, and get my foot in the door and to be one step closer to my career goals. Well, it finally came. It was on Wednesday, and I got myself up bright and early, got dressed into my best professional gear, grabbed my resumes, and went.

Unfortunately, there were not very many opportunities for me, but I did run into a couple options.
I spoke with them, they gave me some pamphlets, I gave them my resume, and I applied... We'll see if I hear anything back from any of them. It would be great if I did. If not, oh well.

Until then, I'll just keep busting my butt, working at two jobs that I'm not very fond of. A girls gotta go what a girls gotta do.

I decided though, that for now, I' going to try and stay positive about my jobs. I realized the other day, that I've had a really negative attitude about them. Maybe that's why they've been not that great. Maybe if I stay positive about them they'll be better. After all, in this economy, I should be happy to even have one job. I'm sure there are plenty of people who would love to trade places with me.
So, instead of having a negative attitude about work, I'm going to stay positive and focused, while at the same time, looking for better opportunities and working on my writing.

That's the plan and I'm sticking to it!

On a side note, the weather outside is gorgeous today, so if you have the opportunity, take advantage of it!

ALWAYS Bring a Spare.

I'm an idiot.

I went home to visit my parents and sister this weekend. I hadn't been in a while and we also needed to go dress shopping for my sister's wedding.

So I left Friday afternoon at four. Well, at least I tried to...

I had to stop and get gas first and when I did, I threw my keys in my purse, got out of my car, locked the door and shut it. But my purse was still in the car.
Locked out. Damn-it.

Of course this would happen to me. Especially because I had just been talking to someone not even a week ago about how I used to lock my keys in my car all the time, and about how it hadn't happened in about four years. I was asking for it. And to make matters worse, my only spare lives at my parents house.

It took two hours for a locksmith to finally get there and help me out, and on top of that, he wanted to charge me 100 dollars! I managed to talk him down to 70 because he felt bad about how long I had to wait. 70 is better than 100, but it still sucks because now I'm out 70 bucks for a stupid mistake. Sucks.

Needless to say, I brought my spare up from home while I was there this weekend, and it is now in the possession of my boyfriend. So if this ever happens again, I'll be prepared.

On a lighter note, dress shopping was lovely. Although, I will say, wedding dresses are super heavy and they're a bitch to help someone get into.
But the one she picked looks gorgeous on her, and I can't wait to see her get married in it :)

Motivation. Get it!

My one and only class that I am taking this semester, the class that brings me to graduation, is the best class ever.

I'm taking novel writing, which is great because I want to write novels, and I can use all the help I can get.

But its great because, I've only had three classes so far, and I'm already super motivated to get this first book down. My thoughts are so much clearer than they've ever been about any idea before, and I know way more about my book than I ever thought I'd know.

I had started working on it over the summer, but I got run down and tired because I didn't know where I was going. Now, I'm fairly certain I do, and I think it might actually turn out okay.

All I have to do now, is stop talking about it and start writing. And I'm totally motivated, so that's what I'm going to do. Wish me luck!

Having a Yard is Hard Work... Even if it's Really Small

I can't feel my legs...

This morning, my boyfriend decided to wake up at 7am for, Lord knows what reason, and because of this, I woke up too. After watching a little TV and eating breakfast, I decided that today seemed like a good day to garden.
off to Lowes.

I originally planned to buy a bunch of flowers and plant a beautiful garden so I would have something pretty to look at (when I finally get my porch furniture, heh).

This is what I bought:
A big bag of mulch, a bag of garden soil, romaine lettuce plants, squash plants, pumpkin plants, cantaloupe plants, carrot seeds, spinach seeds, watermelon seeds, sunflower seeds, tomato seeds, a shovel, and a hoe.
Sometimes plans change.

After Lowes, I immediately went to work.

Three hours later, I had planted two whole sides of my yard and felt like I was going to pass out. So I came inside and took a shower and I practically turned my tub black. Who knew gardening could be so messy! Anyway, as I'm showering, my arms start to feel really heavey and I can barely even wash myself.

Now I'm just laying around and wondering if I'll be able to make it to class tonight. For some reason my legs wont stop tingling. It's not like I had to do much work. I pretty much just squatted the whole time... maybe that's why my legs are tingly.

On top of this, I now have an awkward sunburn on my back from the shirt I was wearing. Sweet. At least I now have a yummy fruit vegetable garden :) can't wait for my veggies to bloom. Yay!
Cantaloupes: 

Squash, pumpkin and lettuce, all the way in the back:

Oh, and PS, I foud a bunch of clay in the soil in my yard, so I made a ceramic pot... It's pretty bad ass.

If I Had More Money, Honey

So yesterday was my first actual payday since I started working... Well at least the first one that didn't have to go directly towards paying for rent. I already spent half...

But I did put some in my savings and I do still have a little spending money left. It had just been so long since I had money, that I had to go on a spending spree! It all happened so fast, and then, the next thing I new, nearly half my money had been spent. I should try to be more careful.

I must say though. It feels great to have a full tank of gas and a house full of food for the first time in, I don't even know how long. Hurray! :)

Is it sad that I just got paid yesterday/today, and I already cant wait till next pay day? It's like I'm constantly looking forward to/ stressing about the next time I get paid. Money's just so easy to spend very quickly. I used to think that if I had a lot of money, that I wouldn't know how to spend it and that it'd probably last me a long time. Now I know that any amount of money that came my way would be spent instantly. There are just so many things to buy. Things I want, Things I need, Things other people want and need that I want to provide for them, homless people, charities, random food outings, binge drinking, and just so much more.

my plan for now is to put a little money into improving my apartment. I think I'll start with the garden :)

super stoked. Yay for home improvement!

Food for Thought

"Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience."
- Victoria Holt

"Wherever you go, go with all your heart."
- Confucius

"Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will"
- Zig Ziglar

"Let no man pull you low enough to hate him"
- Martin Luther King

"It always seems impossible until it's done"
-Nelson Mandela

"All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them"
-Walt Disney

Two Steps Forward... No More Steps Back... (I Hope)

Today I will be turning in my application for Graduation! :) so excited. I'm that much closer to being a college graduate.

Of course I had to fill the application out 3 times because I kept messing up... nerves I guess. Then again, I usually screw up on forms anytime I have to fill them out.

Now all I have to do is:
Finish my last class with a passing grade (preferably an A)
Get a cap and gown (however you do that... I'll figure it out)
Buy a graduation dress (gotta look pretty for grad pics!)
Look up any other graduation information that I need to know
Pay off all my debts to the school
and...
Well, I'm not sure about what else, but I'm sure I'll figure it out as time presses on.

YAY!   :)

Quitters Never Prosper

Why is life so hectic?

I feel like I barely have time for anything...

I guess working 80 hours a week, going to school and trying to write for the school paper doesn't help. And having a social life... it either doesn't happen, or I risk falling short of my goals and responsibilities.

The jobs are great, I need the money. It's the extra stuff that's creating the stress. - School I can handle. I've been doing that for 16 years. The social life makes things difficult, but it also temporarily relieves me of my stresses, which is a good thing. Right?. I'm thinking it's the paper. I would really like to do it, but it's so much added stress to my life that I don't really want. I have deadlines, and I have to meet with people for interviews, and I have to write, edit, and rewrite. Then I have to rewrite and re-edit. And then, sometimes I have to still do it again. At least, that's been my experience with my first story, which still hasn't even run yet.

I think writing for my school paper would most likely have some long term benefits for me in my potential future career... but does that make it worth all the stress it adds to my waking life that could potentially cause health problems, emotional problems, and a decrease in the pleasure I get out of writing. It could even ruin my love for writing, right? - It's just not the kind of writing that I want to be doing. I don't want to be a reporter. I don't want to have to investigate things that I don't know or care about so people can read probably the first few lines and then scrap it. It just seems like a lot of work for not so much benefit. Especially because no matter what, I wont be able to get more than a semesters worth of experience.

Does wanting to quit make me a slacker? Does it make me a failure? Is it a bad idea? Should I just force myself to do it even though as I'm sitting here thinking about my next story I'm also thinking about how much I really don't want to do it?

When I first signed up, I was really genuinely excited. And now, I've written only one story (which as I said before still hasn't even run) and I'm already sick of it... Is it because I haven't seen any results yet? Because I haven't received that instant gratification that I love so much? I don't know. All I know is that my next story is due Tuesday at 11 AM and I haven't even e-mailed and potential interviews yet. And on top of that, I have to work all day tomorrow, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday, so, Lord only knows when I would even be able to meet with anyone.


It's just too much.

But I'm still going to try... I don't want to be a quitter anymore.

Extension?

I'm quite possibly the worst blogger on the planet...

well, that and my summer semester proved to be busier than expected. I only took two classes, but both both of them somehow managed to take up nearly all of my time.

Unfortunately, graduation has slipped through my fingers and rrun just a little farther away from my grasp. I have yet another semester to go. With only one class left, I will most definitely be graduating in December (fingers crossed). Today is the first day of class, and my second class wont be until next Monday. (It's a once a week meeting class).

This all seems pretty easy. But then add in two jobs that require me to be on my feet all day and an unpaid position on the school newspapers news staff, and we're looking at a pretty hectic semester.

But I know I can do it, and I'm excited. I'm finally on my way to actually getting somewhere.

A trip to the career center over the summer helped me devise a plan.

Goal 1: Clime the editing career track and become a world renowned editor. (Based on my last entry from way back when, it doesn't seem like I'd be very good at it, heh), but I'm determined and I really want this to be where I end up.

Goal 2: Be a writer of some sort, be it a book author, or a columnist or a writer for a magazine or something to do with writing in any way/shape/form. That would be nice.

Goal 3: Be an English teacher... This is my back up plan. so basically, if I'm a failure at life, I'll be an English teacher. Okay fine, not a failure at life, but a failure at getting what I want. And I certainly don't want that to happen. Not that I would be unhappy as a teacher, but it's just not my first choice of profession... not anymore.


So, clearly my direction has changed a bit. When I first started this blog at the beginning of the year, being a teacher was my main and pretty much only goal. I guess things change. And so they did.

Okay, ready, set, go! Last semester of college, Here, I, Come!

So I'm sitting in class right now and ready to just get up and leave. It's the 6th week of school and I'm already super sick of it. Can you say senioritis? I really am to the point where ii just can't wait to graduate and just focus on making money and enjoying my time off. Despite this, I know i'm really going to miss school once i'm done. But for now, school and work are pretty much consuming all of my time. I hardly ever have the time to do the thingds that I enjoy. If I decide to sit down one night and spend a coulde hours drawing or practicing the piano, or go out with friends, I sacrifice crucial homework time and potentialy my grades. Not to mention the fact that I work 5 days a week serving on hit or miss shifts where I either make money or I don't. Working takes alot of energy, so going home to do homework is the last thing I want to do after a long day at work.
but still it must be done.
I just have to keep telling myself "you're almost done, just hold out a little longer."
motivation is what I need. Motivation.

a death in the family

it happened on thursday night. I had just gotten back to tampa and was out with some friends. But I didn't hear till early the next morning. It was a phonecall from my mom. When did it happen? I asked. She responded, she died around midnigt last night. I told her I loved her and would see her in the morning.
The next day my sister and I got up early and made the drive back home. From there we went straight to my grandma's house. Everyone was quiet and kept to themselves, so my sisters and I sat on the couch and worked on shool work. Over the next two days we spent time with lots of family, looking at pictures and talking about our favorite memories and stories. We shared things that some of us had written for her and we listened to stories we'd never heard before. Its a sad time but i feel like we're all a little closer because of it. Different people have been in and out of the house bringing with them fod and condolences. Today is the wake and we will go look at my grandmother and say goodbye while friends and family come to tell us how sorry they are. Tomorrow is the funeral service and we will say good bye to her forever and be done with this sad time. We'll all move on with our lves and hopefully each of us will take a little piece of her with us so that she'll be with us always.

Here's to Hope

Yesterday I had to leave school pretty abruptly, missing two of my classes, to go back home so I could ride with my mom and sister over to my Grandma's house.

Early last year, my Grandmother was diagnosed with cancer, in the fourth stage. Throughout the past year she has been going through chemo and other treatments to help get rid of the cancer.
Her last treatment was the other day and to the comfort of my family, the cancer was gone.

Unfortunately, that last session of chemo was a little too much for her. The soft tissue on several of her internal organs was zapped and singed.
Yesterday, when we arrived, she was in a very weak state, unable to breath on her own, or speak, or eat, or even move voluntarily. It's an awful thing to see someone you love and care about so much in such a state. I could hardly stand it.

My aunts and uncles had a priest come to the house yesterday to give her her last rights. Everyone was certain she wouldn't make it through the day.

Today, she is still here with us, and, to our amazement, she is doing a little better. Today, she is more alert, and is more responsive to the people in the room with her. She tries now to speak, and although none of it is coherent, it's still better than yesterday. She was able to have a drink of water today, which is wonderful considering she did not drink or eat all day yesterday. Today, the odds are a little more on her side.

I don't know if my Grandma will make it through or not, but one things for certain; my Grandma is a strong woman, and she's made it through a lot, and I don't think she'll leave us anytime soon without at least a  fight. I have a lot of hope and faith that she just might pull through. Maybe it's just wishful thinking, but I can't help but feel that it's not her time. Not yet.

Right now, is a time of stress for my family and myself. We are all concerned about this woman we all love so dearly, as well as all the other strife we have going on in each of our lives. But oddly enough, sitting here surrounded by my family, all of us hoping and waiting, there's a little bit of comfort, and the stress, just for the moment, has gone away.

Broke, and Much to do

So, I didn't get the job. Had I, I most certainly would have known by now, seeing as Yesterday would have been my first day reporting to work.

But, I'm okay with that. I'm not completely sure that I'm ready to leave the comfort of my job as a server just yet. There's no other job that I could have right now that would pay me as well for the same amount of hours. And school needs to be my main focus right now anyway, so a full time job is probably not a good idea, for now anyway.

Helped my beautiful boyfriend move this weekend. how exhausting. I had to leave to go to work one day though. But the next day I got to help clean the old place all day. What fun--not.

Anyway, I have nothing extra special to report, and I should be doing homework anyway. There is much to do today, and, rent is due :( boo. There goes my first paycheck. Now I have to wait two weeks to actually have money. Awesome.

I-- cough cough-- got an-- cough cough-- uh--cough cough. Oh, never mind.

So, I was able to go back to work today after being sick for 4 days. I no like be sick :(

I went to work on Thursday morning after having been sick on Wednesday. I had a fever for like an hour, and a sore throat and a head ache. after a nap and some fresh soup made by my spectacularly wonderful boyfriend, I was feeling much better. Short lived. Thursday, I stupidly decided to go to work, and needless to say, afterward, I got really sick again, and went straight back to bed with a fever and the chills. I had to miss my class that night because I was too cold to get out of bed and too sweaty to be okay with people seeing me. And it's only the second week. There goes my one free skip :(

But Saturday I felt much better so I went to visit a friend for the day. I had hopped that getting away for a day would help me relieve stress and get a little better. It was a good time, but unfortunately my throat is still very sore, my cough is worse than ever, and my voice sounds like that of a demon.

But... The good news is, I have a job interview at an elementary school on Tuesday! :) I'm nervous though, only because I would really like to be fully healthy at my interview so I can make as good an impression as I can. Plus, I doubt they would want to hire a sweet looking girl with a demon voice. I really, really want to get this job. It's a temporary position as the principal's secretary, while her usual secretary takes a six month leave of absence.
I've already picked out my outfit; black pants and a red sweater so that I stick out and hopefully they remember me. Over all, I feel pretty confident about it. I just have a really good feeling concerning the whole matter.
But, when Tuesday comes, we shall see :)

Here is a blog I found from a secretary. it's mildly entertaining. enjoy. and wish me luck!
http://www.secretary4life.com/

Beginning of the Semester Woes

So today was awesome-- not.

After signing up for all my classes this semester, I checked out my financial aide and for 16 credit hours I was only getting 300 dollars to cover my books. Not enough. So I called up Florida prepaid to find out why, and they said it was because I only had 14 hours left that they could cover. Right. So I dropped a class and am down to 13 hours (which really just means more summer classes, boo). But it seemed to solve the problem. I would then be getting 700 dollars back for books and such. So, I bought my books. $350. Not too bad. That meant $350 dollars in my pocket.

Well, apparently not.

So I got an email saying that I would be receiving 130 dollars back. What? I need way more than that. So I went down to financial aide as well as two other offices they sent me to figure out why. Instead of finding out why my financial aide was much less than I thought it would be, I found out even worse news. It turns out that prepaid gave me aide to cover 14 credit hours instead of 13 by mistake which means instead of getting money back, I actually owe the school money. Awesome.

It makes no sense, but that’s the deal.

I hate College.

p.s. Here is a blog I found that relates to money and financial stuff: 
http://www.mymoneyblog.com/

Writing With a Purpose

I find that when I’m brainstorming and just trying so hard to figure something out or come up with an idea for something, the perfect idea never comes until after I go over everything and see what I’ve missed.
    As I sat in front of my computer today staring at my first blog entry, I was thinking about where I am in life right now. I am a college student on the verge of graduation. That’s probably one of the hardest places to be, especially with this economy. And so, here is what I decided: I am going to blog about where I am in college and when I get to it, the graduation process and job hunting process. Its relatable and I think it could prove interesting. Lets find out…

Here is where I am right now.
    I am in my last semester of college (excluding summer, because I do have to finish up some required summer hours after this semester) and if all goes accordingly to plan, I will be graduating in august of 2011, only a few months later than I had originally planned on graduating when I first started school.
    My major - English. Emphasis on creative writing.
I originally started out as a psych major, but quickly came to find that it really wasn’t for me. After I dropped my third psych class I sat outside the psych building and just wondered what the heck I was going to do. I had thought long and hard in high school about what my major in college would be and I knew for so long that Psychology was what I was going to do. But I was wrong. Very wrong. I felt lost. There I was in my third semester of college, and I had no idea where I was going with my life. And you know what, I still really don’t know. I have a plan, but I don’t know that it will work out, and I cant assume that it will.
    Writing has always been something that I’ve loved doing, but I never thought about trying to turn it into a career. It wasn’t until that night, sitting outside of the psych building that I realized I could do this, what I love. I may not be very good, and people may think that I have no mind to be writing, but I enjoy it, and for now it’s my college major. Whether or not I turn it into a career, I really don’t know.

    So here I am, in my last semester as a creative writing major. I know I’ll be graduating soon, and I know that I probably wont be able to find a job right when I graduate, and I know that serving at an on campus restaurant with poor college students who don’t tip well isn’t gonna cut it. Plus I’m just plain sick of it. So, I am currently on the prowl for a new job. Right now I’m trying to find a secretarial job at a school so that I can get some experience working in the school system and have a more steady and better paying job until I can find a more permanent job after graduation. Hopefully as an English teacher, eventually.
    And that’s it, that’s where I am right now. I’m trying to graduate and I’m trying to find a new job. The purpose of my blog is to tell everyone my story about how I get through this tough stage in life and maybe help some people out who are in the same place as me right now and in the future.

The Perfect Topic

For some reason I always seem to find myself sitting on the floor in my room staring at my computer screen and just wishing that I knew of a good blog to follow, or at least was interested in something enough to find a blog about it. Why is this? Because I really want to write a blog. But, how can I expect people to be interested in what I have to say if I don’t take the time to follow other people’s blogs, and take a look at what they have to say. I’m sure there are plenty of people out there with more interesting and more important things to say than I. So, here’s my new years resolution: I am going to start writing a blog of my own, as well as search other blogs as often as I can until I find one that I really like. I’ll link any that I find interesting to my blog so that I can help other people have their voice heard as well. This way, I can feel good about trying to get people to hear my voice, because I will be hearing other peoples voices and helping them be heard, which I already said.

    Okay, so first things first, I suppose I need a topic for my blog. A person cant just blog on nonsense, there needs to be a purpose behind all the rambling. I just don’t quite know what mine is yet. I’ve considered a few things. One. Since I plan on reading other peoples blogs and sharing them with other people, I was thinking I could just blog about others people’s blogs, and just give my two cents on their topic. But then I thought, well that might get boring, especially since their blog is already talking about what they want to talk about. So here is my next idea. Idea number two. Being an English major in college,  means I have a lot of lit classes, which means a lot of reading. So, I thought that maybe I could blog about the books I’m reading. That might be interesting for some people, but I don’t really know. Third. I am a server at a restaurant on a college campus, and it can get pretty crazy, and extremely frustrating. Perhaps blogging about the trials and tribulations of such a job would appeal to the masses. Who knows.

    All I know is that I want to write a blog that people will want to read, and want to follow. I just need a topic. I need the right topic, the perfect topic. I Just don’t know what it is yet.