Why is it, that as children, we are able to think of a million things that we would want to be when we grow up, but as adolescents and young adults, we haven't got a clue?
Seriously. As a kid, what didn't I want to be? A paleontologist, an astronaut, a scientist, a teacher, a dinosaur, a writer, a singer... Those are all things that at one point or another in my childhood, I wanted to be. And yes, I did mean to put dinosaur in there. I was a strange child, just accept it...
As I grew older, that list began to shrink, and I wasn't so sure anymore about what I wanted to be. In high school, I thought, a psychologist? Maybe a teacher?
So I tried the whole psychology thing when I got to college. But, I quickly learned, that despite the fact that the human mind fascinated me, being a psychologist just wasn't in my cards.
I still liked dinosaurs and the idea of being a paleontologist, but from what people would say, I knew it was unrealistic. Getting a job in that field would be difficult and the pay would probably be insufficient.
I love everything about filmography. I thought for a while that I could be a director / film maker or a video editor... That was a 10 minute endeavor. I quickly snapped myself out of that one when I realized that not only was the schooling for that very competitive, but trying to make a career out of it would be next to impossible.
Then I had it. I always loved writing. Why not be a writer? Sure, it's a competitive field as well, but, it's also under the generic major of English, which, as far as I knew, you could do anything with. It was settled. I would major in English/Creative writing and become a writer or an editor and work in the publishing field.
And now, here I am, working in my medical non-profit... How fitting. I think that there are a lot of people who go to college and then, get jobs that have absolutely nothing to do with what they studied. I'm not saying that it's a bad thing. It's just that so many people get to college not knowing what they want to do with their lives, so they go through this stress filled time period of trying to figure out what they are going to do. And then, they just end up doing whatever comes their way.
But, I think that it works out for some people like that. Take me for example. One thing that has been a part of me from the time I was a small child, is that I have always been passionate about helping others. For example... At the ripe old age of 6, I chose to give my very first tooth fairy dollar to the Salvation Army Santa outside of Publix, so that a less fortunate child could have presents at Christmas. No one told me to do this. I simply wanted to. I remember so clearly, walking by, seeing the Santa ringing the bell, and asking my mom what he was doing. And she told me, "he's collecting money for children who don't normally get toys at Christmas so that they can." I pondered what she said for a moment, and then I told her, "well, then I want to give him my tooth fairy dollar, so that those children can get more presents."
And look at me now. By a happy accident, I am working for a non-profit organization that is dedicated to helping others. Coincidence? Maybe. But it works. I think that if you have the right mind set, you'll eventually figure out what you want to do. You just have to know who you are. Which, I personally happen to know, can be a difficult thing. But, I do know that helping others is important to me. So, I'm happy with the career path that seems to have chosen me. I still want to write. I think I always will. But, it's nice to know, that for now, it can remain a hobby. And maybe it will turn into more than that one day. Who knows?
So, back to my original question. Why do kids have so many aspirations for what they want to be when they grow up? And why do young adults seem so lost when it comes to that question?
I think I know why... Kids are scared of things like, monsters, and the dark and strangers offering them candy. They have no fear of the world, because, they have no concept of what it's really like. To children it's as simple as, you grow up, you get a job, you get married, you have kids. They do not fear the unknown because they don't know how much is uncertain in life. As we grow into young adults, we begin to fear the unknown because we realize that nothing is a guarantee. We don't want to choose the wrong career path. We fear a life of tedious unhappiness. We fear lack of success. We fear that our dreams won't come true. We fear that we'll fail.
There are people out there who figure out what they want to do at a very young age and stick with it. Those people, in my opinion, are so brave and I really admire them. Dream chasers. They know their path, and they do not stray. To do this, takes confidence, courage, strength, will power, and passion. They don't let fear detour them. Amazing. To me, that is amazing.
I gave up on my love of film making because its so competitive and the chances of failure were high. I gave up on psychology because it was hard, and my chances of failure were high. I gave up on paleontology, because chances of failure were high, and even if I did succeed, I wouldn't make enough money to be successful. I gave up on being an astronaut because I learned it was dangerous. I gave up on being a dinosaur because I learned it was impossible, and I gave up on being a singer, well, because I don't have the voice. As we learn more about the complexity of things in life, we become more fearful, therefore, we have a harder time deciding what we want to do; what we want to be. It's all about fear. At least, that's what I think. At least, that's how it is for me.
But, the important thing to remember, is that as long as you know who you are, you can always find a path that suits you. And sometimes, the path will find you. You just have to keep your eyes open so that it doesn't pass you by. I know now, that whatever I end up doing in life, whether it's sticking with my current non-profit or not, what I do will be centered around helping others. That's what I'm passionate about.
Today, I am grateful for people who do what they can to make this wold a better place. For people who are brave enough to be true to themselves. And for people who follow their dreams. We should all aspire to be more like that.
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Fair Warning: This Post is Laced With Emotion.
I'm not afraid of emotions. Some people are...
In general, some day's are harder than others.
I think I can speak for everyone, when I say getting out of bed in the morning is one of the worst parts of the day. You've just woken up and you're still tired and still amidst your dreams. It's when your bed feels the most comfy too. You cherish even just one extra minute of lying there on the brink of sleep.
When you feel lost, or sad, or broken, or just unsure of your life in general, it makes that moment so much harder. You would give anything to slip back into your dreams where everything seems to be okay. The thought of facing the day can be sickening. Your bed is like a warm embrace, holding you, and protecting you from the reality that you may not want to face... I've been having mornings like that a lot lately.
I'm reading a book, and it talks a lot about emotions. It talks about how some people make themselves numb to feelings of sadness and pain as a coping mechanism... what they don't realize is that when they do this, they inadvertently make themselves numb to happy feelings too. When you ignore your sad feelings, your ability to embrace good and happy feelings is diminished. -- I think this is very true, and I think I stand as an example to the opposite of numbing.
Sometimes I think, how wonderful it would be to be able to numb myself to pain and sorrow. To not even have to deal with it. I feel it would make me stronger, or at least seem that way... The fact of the matter is, I am incapable of the whole numbing thing. I am so susceptible to emotion, that it doesn't even have to be my pains and hardships that get me down and bring me to tears. I feel pain, sorrow, stress, anger -- whatever! -- for even the smallest of issues, woes, hardships, bumps in the road... But, its the same for the opposite. The smallest little things make me so happy, I'm very easily excited, and often times, I get so happy that I cry. And other people's happiness makes me happy too. I appreciate the good that life brings to me and to others as well. I embrace emotion. It's not something I do on purpose. It's just part of who I am. How I operate. -- This is something I know about myself. Something I recently learned.
Sometimes, I wish I could stop, because, when I'm sad, it's hard for me to snap out of it. If something is bothering me, its hard for me to let it go. If I'm upset, I talk about it, and I talk about it and I talk about it. Some people can't handle this part of my personality, which, I can understand. I know that I need to learn to distinguish real problems from minor blips that I sometimes interpret as major issues. I'm a drama queen that way. But it's part of who I am. And I always figure out sooner or later, that sometimes, I do freak out over nothing. I'll learn eventually to figure that out before I start to stress over the "issue." But, I wont stop myself from embracing emotions. I could never give up the feeling of extacy that I get sometimes over the things that make me happy. I think it's worth the overwhelming sadness that I feel sometimes -- that I feel right now. I want so badly to just stop feeling and get over it. Move on with my life. But I can't. If I don't allow myself to go through what I'm going through, I'll stunt my growth. And right now, I'm all about growth.
I'm having a hard time right now. My focus is hard to hold. Sometimes I sleep well, other times I don't. Sometimes I'm so hungry, I feel I could eat for days. And still, other times, I can't even stand the smell of food. My mind is constantly going a million miles a minute. Ideas and thoughts and feelings and memories are all bouncing around inside my unicorn filled head (only some of you will get the unicorn thing). I feel like I could write at least10 different blog posts on all the stuff I'm tossing around up there. But I wont. For now, I'll leave it at this.
I'll offer one piece of advice. Take it, or leave. Change, heartbreak, sorrow... It all sucks. Sometimes it makes getting up in the morning 10 times harder than it already is. But don't ignore it. And also, don't let it defeat you. Allow yourself to feel the pain, but still have the strength to push through the day. One day at a time people. One day at a time.
Today I'm grateful for my amazing family, who always are there for me no matter what; who understand me better than anyone; and who help me to see me for me. <3
In general, some day's are harder than others.
I think I can speak for everyone, when I say getting out of bed in the morning is one of the worst parts of the day. You've just woken up and you're still tired and still amidst your dreams. It's when your bed feels the most comfy too. You cherish even just one extra minute of lying there on the brink of sleep.
When you feel lost, or sad, or broken, or just unsure of your life in general, it makes that moment so much harder. You would give anything to slip back into your dreams where everything seems to be okay. The thought of facing the day can be sickening. Your bed is like a warm embrace, holding you, and protecting you from the reality that you may not want to face... I've been having mornings like that a lot lately.
I'm reading a book, and it talks a lot about emotions. It talks about how some people make themselves numb to feelings of sadness and pain as a coping mechanism... what they don't realize is that when they do this, they inadvertently make themselves numb to happy feelings too. When you ignore your sad feelings, your ability to embrace good and happy feelings is diminished. -- I think this is very true, and I think I stand as an example to the opposite of numbing.
Sometimes I think, how wonderful it would be to be able to numb myself to pain and sorrow. To not even have to deal with it. I feel it would make me stronger, or at least seem that way... The fact of the matter is, I am incapable of the whole numbing thing. I am so susceptible to emotion, that it doesn't even have to be my pains and hardships that get me down and bring me to tears. I feel pain, sorrow, stress, anger -- whatever! -- for even the smallest of issues, woes, hardships, bumps in the road... But, its the same for the opposite. The smallest little things make me so happy, I'm very easily excited, and often times, I get so happy that I cry. And other people's happiness makes me happy too. I appreciate the good that life brings to me and to others as well. I embrace emotion. It's not something I do on purpose. It's just part of who I am. How I operate. -- This is something I know about myself. Something I recently learned.
Sometimes, I wish I could stop, because, when I'm sad, it's hard for me to snap out of it. If something is bothering me, its hard for me to let it go. If I'm upset, I talk about it, and I talk about it and I talk about it. Some people can't handle this part of my personality, which, I can understand. I know that I need to learn to distinguish real problems from minor blips that I sometimes interpret as major issues. I'm a drama queen that way. But it's part of who I am. And I always figure out sooner or later, that sometimes, I do freak out over nothing. I'll learn eventually to figure that out before I start to stress over the "issue." But, I wont stop myself from embracing emotions. I could never give up the feeling of extacy that I get sometimes over the things that make me happy. I think it's worth the overwhelming sadness that I feel sometimes -- that I feel right now. I want so badly to just stop feeling and get over it. Move on with my life. But I can't. If I don't allow myself to go through what I'm going through, I'll stunt my growth. And right now, I'm all about growth.
I'm having a hard time right now. My focus is hard to hold. Sometimes I sleep well, other times I don't. Sometimes I'm so hungry, I feel I could eat for days. And still, other times, I can't even stand the smell of food. My mind is constantly going a million miles a minute. Ideas and thoughts and feelings and memories are all bouncing around inside my unicorn filled head (only some of you will get the unicorn thing). I feel like I could write at least10 different blog posts on all the stuff I'm tossing around up there. But I wont. For now, I'll leave it at this.
I'll offer one piece of advice. Take it, or leave. Change, heartbreak, sorrow... It all sucks. Sometimes it makes getting up in the morning 10 times harder than it already is. But don't ignore it. And also, don't let it defeat you. Allow yourself to feel the pain, but still have the strength to push through the day. One day at a time people. One day at a time.
Today I'm grateful for my amazing family, who always are there for me no matter what; who understand me better than anyone; and who help me to see me for me. <3
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Who I think I'm supposed to be Vs. Who I really am
Sometimes in life, things don't work out the way that we planned.
That's one of the problems I have in life... I'm always planning -- trying to get a glimpse in my mind of what my future will be like. I think that it's something a lot of people do. It's not a bad thing... but sometimes it sets us up for disappointment. Even though the changes might be good... it can still be difficult to swallow them at first.
My life right now is NOTHING like what I imagined what it would be after college. I'll paint a picture for you.
I imagined that right now, I would be working for (or still trying to get a job with) a publishing company. I would be moving toward my future career as an editor. If I wasn't living in the big city already, my move there would be imminent. My boyfriend and I would be thinking about moving in together soon and working toward our future lives together. I would be happy.
So where am I really?
I live back in my home town. I don't have any plans on moving anytime soon. I work for a medical non-profit, working toward a future career in the non-profit field, pushing myself everyday to be better. I still want to move to the big city one day, but it may be in the more distant future. I'm single, I live with my parents and most importantly, I'm not 100% happy...
I haven't been happy for a while... I mentioned in my last post that I had felt that I was more lost than ever before and that I felt the need to become more in touch with myself. And I do. I feel that, even though my life is not going in the direction I thought it would, it's still okay. My life is actually heading in a really good direction. I am disappointing that some of the things I'd planned are not working out, but, it's okay. Life is never certain. And it's hard sometimes. But you just have to keep on trucking through. As Eric Mathews would say, "get a helmet."
The difference in how I thought my life would be and how it is, is not the reason that I'm unhappy. I'm unhappy because I've been pushing myself too hard and I haven't made time to figure out who I am and what does make me happy. I've been too focused on making my life perfect...
I know I've talked a lot about making time for things other than work in several posts recently. But I can't stress it enough. It's something I have known that I needed to do for a while now, but I still haven't been doing it. Well, I've had my wake up call, and starting over this past weekend, I've changed my focus. The new focus is now, maintain my job and continue to learn from it, but the priority is me; find out what makes me tic, what makes me happy, what makes me thrive. Find out all of that and do it. Because the thing I want most in life is to love myself and be happy.
More to come. <3
That's one of the problems I have in life... I'm always planning -- trying to get a glimpse in my mind of what my future will be like. I think that it's something a lot of people do. It's not a bad thing... but sometimes it sets us up for disappointment. Even though the changes might be good... it can still be difficult to swallow them at first.
My life right now is NOTHING like what I imagined what it would be after college. I'll paint a picture for you.
I imagined that right now, I would be working for (or still trying to get a job with) a publishing company. I would be moving toward my future career as an editor. If I wasn't living in the big city already, my move there would be imminent. My boyfriend and I would be thinking about moving in together soon and working toward our future lives together. I would be happy.
So where am I really?
I live back in my home town. I don't have any plans on moving anytime soon. I work for a medical non-profit, working toward a future career in the non-profit field, pushing myself everyday to be better. I still want to move to the big city one day, but it may be in the more distant future. I'm single, I live with my parents and most importantly, I'm not 100% happy...
I haven't been happy for a while... I mentioned in my last post that I had felt that I was more lost than ever before and that I felt the need to become more in touch with myself. And I do. I feel that, even though my life is not going in the direction I thought it would, it's still okay. My life is actually heading in a really good direction. I am disappointing that some of the things I'd planned are not working out, but, it's okay. Life is never certain. And it's hard sometimes. But you just have to keep on trucking through. As Eric Mathews would say, "get a helmet."
The difference in how I thought my life would be and how it is, is not the reason that I'm unhappy. I'm unhappy because I've been pushing myself too hard and I haven't made time to figure out who I am and what does make me happy. I've been too focused on making my life perfect...
I know I've talked a lot about making time for things other than work in several posts recently. But I can't stress it enough. It's something I have known that I needed to do for a while now, but I still haven't been doing it. Well, I've had my wake up call, and starting over this past weekend, I've changed my focus. The new focus is now, maintain my job and continue to learn from it, but the priority is me; find out what makes me tic, what makes me happy, what makes me thrive. Find out all of that and do it. Because the thing I want most in life is to love myself and be happy.
More to come. <3
Saturday, May 25, 2013
It's the little things
I think that graduating college and "getting started on your life" is a very challenging time. You've put in all this hard work so that you can get a good job and be successful... And then, you kill yourself constantly trying to be better, trying to make more money, trying to support yourself and your dreams and eventually you family. It's all very stressful!
I think, that at a young age, an idea is planted into our minds that there are all these things we have to be in order to be successful in life. Get an education, get a job, get promoted, be innovative, be successful, be the best... We think that after college, there's no more room for fun. It's time to buckle down and be serious.
Over the last year and a half, I have been so preoccupied with "getting my life started," getting a dream job, making more money, being the best! So preoccupied that I forgot about me. I forgot about being myself, letting loose, having a good time, enjoying the little things in life...
All this time, I thought I was finding my way, but I've only come to realize, that I was more lost than I had ever been before.
Realizing something like this is hard. It takes life changing events, I think. (which I seem to have been experiencing a lot lately)
Don't get me wrong. I love my job. I'm so happy that I found my way to it and I still believe whole-heartedly that it is going to help me tremendously. But I never took the time to just be proud of myself. To just say, hey, Alex, good job. Look what you've accomplished. I just kept focusing on getting better, being the best, proving to everyone that I'm amazing! I was so focused on all of that, that I forgot what life is really about...
What's the point of putting yourself through all this stress to get better and be better so that you can get to a point that you believe will make you happy when you're not happy through the process? So I thought about it, and I decided. I can still put my heart into my job and try to get better, but I don't have to be the best. I don't have to be so hard on myself when I mess up, or when I struggle. It's okay. It's not that serious!
What I need to focus on is getting in touch with myself. Getting to know myself. Having fun and just enjoying the little things in life again. I need to focus on being happy. Because, in the end that's really what's important in life.
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