Continuing Education

For some people, Life Post-Grad can start to seem like a constant battle between: "Should I go back to school, or not?"

I've already been there once. I got as far as getting accepted to a school and signing up for orientation. But, i didn't actually go to orientation, or the first day of classes for that matter.

Continuing education is something that I think everyone thinks about at least once in their life when they get it going. I've considered a second bachelors as well as a masters.

And now, I find myself here again. I want my masters degree. And this time, I intend to follow through. So, I've developed a plan:

Continue to work in my current position with my current company for several years. During those several years (maybe at the 2 year mark?) get started on grad school. I'll go for an online degree program to get my Masters in Public Administration. I'll give myself 3 to 4 years to complete this while continuing in my current role. Once I've obtained my MPA, I will work toward advancing my career in the non-profit industry.

That's the plan. It's very general, for now. We'll see how it grows and changes as time goes by and life entangles me.

Feeling excited :)

Emotionally Charged.

I haven't been writing lately.

I've been keeping busy.

It's strange, because I really like to write, but I seem to do it most when either, something is wrong, or I'm sad/angry/unhappy. -- I mean that makes sense, because writing makes me feel better. But even though it's something I enjoy, I don't seem to have time for it when I'm happy.

I've been happy lately. Busy with my life. Getting really involves in work, spending time with my friends, trying new things, being spontaneous, meeting new people... And, I've just been really happy. Like I haven't been noticing life go by because I've just been living it. It's amazing.

I decided to sit down and write today for 2 reasons:

1. I haven't done it in a while and I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Even though I've been distracted by life, I still at least think about writing.

2. I had an emotionally charged morning. And that's really why, after all the time I've spent thinking about writing, I'm actually sitting down to do it.

Stress is hard for me to deal with. I woke up this morning to a boat load of stress. Mainly work related. When I'm stressed, it helps for me to take a step back and focus on something that's not related to it for a while before I face whats causing the stress. Hence the blog post.

But that's not all. On top of all the stress I was served for breakfast, I got sucked into some personal and emotional stress too. It kind of threw me over the edge and sent me into a tizzy. So, I had a good cry and just let it all out. Now, I'm taking a deep breath, I'm writing about it (vaguely) and then, I will get on with my day.

I'm getting better at my stress management. It helps to have a good support system, a happy life with much to appreciate, and a sound mind. I try to put things into perspective so that I spend less time stressing about whatever it is, and more time working toward solutions. Here's to continually moving forward.

Today I'm thankful for perspective. Perspective will help me find a good vantage point to work from :)

Feeling Amazed.

I know I write about dreams a lot, but they just really, truly amaze me. Our subconscious knows all. If you listen closely to your dreams and figure out what it is your subconscious is trying to tell you, sometimes you can really make a difference in your life.

Over the past few weeks, I kept having a lot of similar dreams that all left me feeling really crappy when I woke up in the mornings. With each dream, it got worse and worse. I was pretty sure I knew what my dreams were telling me, but I ignored them. My conscious self did not want to accept what my subconscious self was telling me. What was best for me.

Finally, after one last dream that really affected me so much, I had to do it. I had to do what my subconscious wanted me to do. So I did.

This morning, I woke up feeling so refreshed, and renewed. My dreams last night didn't make much sense to me, but I looked up some of the symbols, and I couldn't believe it. My subconscious was basically telling me I did the right thing.

The symbols in my dreams had meanings like: New attitude and fresh beginnings; Potential to grow; Healing; Letting go and releasing emotions/negative feelings; Revitalization, regeneration and renewal.

My conscious self is still not completely accepting of the change I had to make, but, I know that it was the right thing to do. It was in my best interest, and now, I can get out of the fog I've been falling into and move forward into clarity.

Interpret your dreams people. Its really, super cool. Freud was on to something there.

Goodbye Old, Hello New

I moved out of my apartment in Tampa today and returned the keys. I officially no longer live there. It was really bitter sweet.

I had to acknowledge that I was saying goodbye to the town that had been my home for the last 6 years. All 6 years of my "adult" life. It's still hard to imagine life anywhere else even though I've been living it for the past four months. I'm glad though, and I'm excited. It was time for the change, time for the growth, and time for the end of that chapter of my life. Things here in my new life are all so good, and so promising. I'm excited to see what lies ahead.

To all my Tampa loves, I will miss you dearly. You have all been an amazing part of my life and I hope you continue to be. I will certainly see you again through visits, social media, and just keeping in touch. I'm saying goodbye to my once home, but not to all the amazing things it brought me.

FML

I'm going to try and remain as positive as possible for this post. But it's going to be pretty difficult. Things can always be worse.

So, I mentioned a few posts ago that I was in a car accident that totaled my car. To sum it up: no injuries, I had insurance, and I was able to get a new car out of the deal.

The car buying process was grueling. But I finally did it. I bought a car I truly loved. I am so happy with it.

I've had my brand new car a whole 3 days now. 3 days of driving bliss, feeling so happy and accomplished in my new baby. Her name is The Baby Beast, by the way. TBB for short.

Today at Publix. In the parking lot. Someone backed into me. And now my brand new car is dented. As you can imagine, I'm not very happy about this... Poor TBB.

My car still runs. I'm not hurt. The damaged can be fixed through insurance. Positive, it's not that bad, blah blah blah.

But I'm still pretty upset. I can't help it. I'm trying to look at the bright side of things. But this really just sucks. Who buys a car and barely has it three days before getting hit and essentially ruining the car!? And even more so, after I was just in an accident!

I have been driving so safe and being so careful. I checked twice before backing out of my spot at publix today. I had a bad feeling for some reason. But there were no break lights on behind me. And no one was coming up the isle. So I went. Then I put my car in drive. Just as I was ready to drive off. Crunch! Crash! Bang! I was hit. My life was over (or so the drama queen in me beleived at the moment).

But, I'm keeping my cool. My car will be fixed. And it will be good as new. Plus, the girl who hit me is an organ donor.

Sigh. FML

Change can be hard, but it can also be pretty amazing.

One of the coolest things about growing up, I think, is getting together with an old friend, someone you've spent some time growing up with, and just talking about it. Talking about getting older. About maturing. About new insights, new plans, new goals. Talking about how you've changed. Getting to know each other in an entirely new way. As adults. Its a pretty cool thing if you ask me.

As we get older, obviously, we change. We become different people. Of course we're always the same person, but we do go through so many changes, that sometimes, you think back on past things and you're like: "I can't believe I ever did that!"

Its fun to reminisce on what was, and talk about what is now, and whats to come. That's one of the great things about this time in a young persons life. There is still so much to come. Whether it's life after college, life before college, life between college, life without having gone to college -- whatever. This is the time in your life where you learn and you grow and you become. You can make it or break it. Or even just do nothing. Just coast. You are building the foundation for your life.

You plan for your future. Sometimes those plans change as things play out. Sometimes they don't. Sometimes they might not be exactly what you pictured, but maybe they're better. Maybe it's something you couldn't have imagined. And that's another of the fun parts. Seeing how it plays out, and enjoying it as you go through it.

So, Have fun, let loose, enjoy your youth. But also, work hard, dream big, be ambitious, make your life what you want it. Or even just discover what you want. It's all part of the ride.

And get together with your friends and have a heart to heart. Rediscover eachother. Learn about eachothers dreams and aspirations. Observe how they've changed. Who they are vs who they used to be. It's a really phenomenal experience. I think.

Today I'm grateful for change. Without it, life would not move forward.

First World Problems - The Joys of Buying a Car.

My mom has been helping me out a lot lately. She's pretty great. I'm so grateful for her.

The latest challenge she has taken on with me has been car shopping. OhMyGod I. Hate. It.

It's so exhausting and such a hard decision. This car? Or that car? Which one is better? And the sales people are so pushy. Like seriously. Leave me alone for 5 minutes. You're not making me want to buy the car more by doing that. You're making me want to punch you in the face! And then there's the whole money factor.

1. You have to go into debt to buy a car (unless you're loaded). Boo.

2. If it's your first time buying a car (which for me it is) you have to factor in that new, big fat payment. That means either get something shitty you don't want so you can still afford to have a life, or, get what you want and eat ramen noodles every night until your debt is paid off... Regardless, it means cutting back. Boo.

3. Financing. Boo, boo, boo. If you're like me and you don't really have too much credit established, you're basically shit-out-of-luck. Boo.

So, to sum up. Buying a new car sucks.

I'm going for what I want, so I plan to be broke for quite some time... That is, if I can ever manage to get one.

I'll be glad when this whole experience is over.

Advise - Don't get in car accidents that total your car which worked perfectly fine and was free. Oops.

"When Life Gives you lemonade, Gife Life Lemons. Life Will be Like, Whaaaaaaat?"

The title of this blog is a quote I recently heard that I really liked.

We all know the old saying, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." I like this sort of "anti joke" which conveys the opposite, because, sometimes you have to change things up -- do things differently. Do the unexpected and throw everyone for a loop. I like that concept a lot. Spontaneity, randomness, thinking outside the box, individuality!

I feel like it fits my mantra in life right now. I'm all about finding my individuality, being spontaneous and showing life what I'm made of. It works.

Life has given me some lemons yet again, but I'm definitely going to make some lemonade. I was in a car accident yesterday that, due to the circumstances of the crash, could have been a lot worse for me than it was. That's the lemonade. The car accident, was obviously the lemon.

 More Lemons: fractured hand and bruised ribs, totaled car, my fault, insurance price hike, damages to cover...

Lemonade?: Despite the severity of the crash, my injuries are quite minor, I recently upped my insurance coverage so I'm totally covered, I've been wanting a new car, so here's my chance to make that happen (not that I have a choice), I'm fortunate enough to have the means to afford the costs that I'm about to receive do to the situation, and I didn't get a ticket.

Funny how not that many lemons can make quite a bit of lemonade...

So, Life, all I have to say is, take your lemon rinds and eat them :) Thanks for all the juice.

Theres no order to this... Much like my mind.

When I woke up this morning, I felt like I had a million things to write. Now that I actually have time... I'm blank. Roller coasters have never really been my thing, yet I seem to be in this constant state of up and down. One minute I'm soaring, high as can be, then suddenly, the drop comes. I hate those. They're so fast and discomforting. And it always takes too long to get back up. I keep waiting for the up that's not followed eventually by a drop. Maybe in life, that doesn't exist. Maybe we just get used to the drops, or just learn to deal with them. Learn to accept them as part of the ride. I guess without the drops, the rest wouldn't be as good...

As a part of my journey to self discovery/self betterment/self understanding, I decided to start meditating. At first, it was really hard. I couldn't seem to get my mind to stop going. I mean really. Have you ever tried to think of nothing before? It's not as easy as it sounds. But as I continued to do it, I began to realize that it's not really thinking about nothing. It's more about bringing yourself to a still, quiet place / state. With practice and patience, I've been able to get myself there a couple times now. And it's incredible. Its such an amazing way to really bring a sense of calm and peace to your mind. It puts you at ease. It's like going to a happy place. I intend to continue with it and I hope to get better. The more I can get myself to that state, I think the more clarity and peace of mind I will feel.

I've done a few impulsive things lately, including (but not limited to) the purchase of a GoPro Camera. It's. Awesome. I did this for 2 reasons. 1.) I plan on doing a lot of exciting adventurous things in the near future. And 2.) I want to get back into my hobby of video editing :) This is a good start I think. I already have two plans in motion for my little camera. I'm not sure what order these will be happening, but my go pro will be enduring a sky diving experience (without me of course!) and then a snorkeling adventure! :) (hopefully soon to follow will be a scuba diving adventure too!)  More to come. Obvi!

I think something that is really important in life after college is finding your own. Don't get stuck in the same monotony that so many people seem to get into. Change it up. Do it differently. You'll be better for it. And my intention is to figure out just how to do it <3

Follow Your Dreams :)

Do you ever pay close attention to your dreams? Some of the greatest minds in psychology say that dreams are very telling of whats going on inside of us. I believe that our dreams speak for our souls. We can find out what our souls are trying to tell us if we pay close attention to our dreams and the symbols that present themselves within them...

Three symbols stuck out to me in my dreams last night...

One - I was riding a bike. If you look up the word bicycle as a symbol in dreams, you will find that it means that you are trying to create a balance in your life. Balance between work and pleasure in order to succeed in your current undertakings. -- This couldn't be more true for me right now. Previously I was way too focused on work work work that I allowed everything else to fall by the wayside. My biggest goal right now has been to devote time to work, play, and self betterment. My soul wants to find a good balance with all of that and more.

Two - I was packing my things, which were all strewn across the floor, into a bag. In dreams, packing is symbolic of big changes ahead for you. (as if I haven't been through enough already, sheesh!). I think that my soul is telling me that maybe I will experience some internal changes through the balances I acquire in life. The dream also indicates that one is putting past issues to rest; putting the past behind them. Moving on. -- This is the best news I could get! My soul is ready for whatever comes next.

Three - I had to stop by the store, although I didn't end up buying anything. If a grocery or convenient store presents itself in your dream, it could mean a few different things. the explanation that sticks out the most to me is that "you may be brainstorming for new ideas or looking for the various choices out there for you." -- I think this goes right along with the theme of balance and change. Maybe I didn't buy anything because I'm not quite ready to know what I want just yet.

My dream was a lot more extensive than that, but those were the symbols that really stuck out to me. I think that paying attention to the symbols in your dreams is a great way to learn about yourself. It's how you listen to what your soul is trying to tell you, and if you listen, then you can figure things out with a lot more clarity.

If you are interested in researching the meanings of your dreams. pay close attention to them and then look up the meanings of the different symbols you notice. I use:
http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/
It's a pretty good site and for the most part I am able to find the symbols I am looking for.

Try it out. See what you can learn. :)

Comfort Zone?... Where Did You Go?

It's so crazy to go through old photos, social media, journals, blogs -- whatever -- and just see how much your life has changed over the years...Everyone goes through change. We've been doing it our whole lives. And yet, for some reason, when the time for change comes again, often times it still terrifies us. It terrifies me. But I think the important thing is that once we accept that change is going to happen, we finally are able to feel the excitement that comes with it.

I think I'm just about ready to let go of my fear and embrace the changes that, at this point, have nearly enveloped me. It's weird. I brought most of my recent changes upon myself. I invited them. But for some reason, despite the fact that I initiated the change, I have been fighting it, letting it drag me behind, kicking and screaming. How is that possible?

I think the hardest change for me was the one that I knew was coming, but that I was not wanting. I knew deep down, that in order for my transformation to be complete, I would have to allow that last change to take place. But I didn't want it, and I refused to accept it, so I began to fight all the other changes too. I wanted to leave them behind and go running back into my comfort zone. I looked for a reason. I looked for excuses. But I didn't find any. I couldn't make it back to my comfort zone. I had already left, so it was too late. And, then the last change came. I wasn't ready. But I had no choice. It was by far, the scariest, the hardest, and the worst. But, I know now, that it needed to happen. I needed it. And he needed it too.

Life has to change in order to go on. We have to change in order to grow. And acceptance is half the battle. Once you accept it, you can appreciate it. You can become excited about the new things that are coming and that will continue to come. You can embrace the change.

I'm almost there. I can almost taste it. Excitement rests on the corners of my lips, ready to turn them up as soon as I let it. I can almost feel it.

A new era has begun. And this one is all about me.

What do You Want to be When You Grow Up?

Why is it, that as children, we are able to think of a million things that we would want to be when we grow up, but as adolescents and young adults, we haven't got a clue?

Seriously. As a kid, what didn't I want to be? A paleontologist, an astronaut, a scientist, a teacher, a dinosaur, a writer, a singer... Those are all things that at one point or another in my childhood, I wanted to be. And yes, I did mean to put dinosaur in there. I was a strange child, just accept it...

As I grew older, that list began to shrink, and I wasn't so sure anymore about what I wanted to be. In high school, I thought, a psychologist? Maybe a teacher?

So I tried the whole psychology thing when I got to college. But, I quickly learned, that despite the fact that the human mind fascinated me, being a psychologist just wasn't in my cards.

I still liked dinosaurs and the idea of being a paleontologist, but from what people would say, I knew it was unrealistic. Getting a job in that field would be difficult and the pay would probably be insufficient.

I love everything about filmography. I thought for a while that I could be a director / film maker or a video editor... That was a 10 minute endeavor. I quickly snapped myself out of that one when I realized that not only was the schooling for that very competitive, but trying to make a career out of it would be next to impossible.

Then I had it. I always loved writing. Why not be a writer? Sure, it's a competitive field as well, but, it's also under the generic major of English, which, as far as I knew, you could do anything with. It was settled. I would major in English/Creative writing and become a writer or an editor and work in the publishing field.

And now, here I am, working in my medical non-profit... How fitting. I think that there are a lot of people who go to college and then, get jobs that have absolutely nothing to do with what they studied. I'm not saying that it's a bad thing. It's just that so many people get to college not knowing what they want to do with their lives, so they go through this stress filled time period of trying to figure out what they are going to do. And then, they just end up doing whatever comes their way.

But, I think that it works out for some people like that. Take me for example. One thing that has been a part of me from the time I was a small child, is that I have always been passionate about helping others. For example... At the ripe old age of 6, I chose to give my very first tooth fairy dollar to the Salvation Army Santa outside of Publix, so that a less fortunate child could have presents at Christmas. No one told me to do this. I simply wanted to. I remember so clearly, walking by, seeing the Santa ringing the bell, and asking my mom what he was doing. And she told me, "he's collecting money for children who don't normally get toys at Christmas so that they can." I pondered what she said for a moment, and then I told her, "well, then I want to give him my tooth fairy dollar, so that those children can get more presents."

And look at me now. By a happy accident, I am working for a non-profit organization that is dedicated to helping others. Coincidence? Maybe. But it works. I think that if you have the right mind set, you'll eventually figure out what you want to do. You just have to know who you are. Which, I personally happen to know, can be a difficult thing. But, I do know that helping others is important to me. So, I'm happy with the career path that seems to have chosen me. I still want to write. I think I always will. But, it's nice to know, that for now, it can remain a hobby. And maybe it will turn into more than that one day. Who knows?

So, back to my original question. Why do kids have so many aspirations for what they want to be when they grow up? And why do young adults seem so lost when it comes to that question?

I think I know why... Kids are scared of things like, monsters, and the dark and strangers offering them candy. They have no fear of the world, because, they have no concept of what it's really like. To children it's as simple as, you grow up, you get a job, you get married, you have kids. They do not fear the unknown because they don't know how much is uncertain in life. As we grow into young adults, we begin to fear the unknown because we realize that nothing is a guarantee. We don't want to choose the wrong career path. We fear a life of tedious unhappiness. We fear lack of success. We fear that our dreams won't come true. We fear that we'll fail.

There are people out there who figure out what they want to do at a very young age and stick with it. Those people, in my opinion, are so brave and I really admire them. Dream chasers. They know their path, and they do not stray. To do this, takes confidence, courage, strength, will power, and passion. They don't let fear detour them. Amazing. To me, that is amazing.

I gave up on my love of film making because its so competitive and the chances of failure were high. I gave up on psychology because it was hard, and my chances of failure were high. I gave up on paleontology, because chances of failure were high, and even if I did succeed, I wouldn't make enough money to be successful. I gave up on being an astronaut because I learned it was dangerous. I gave up on being a dinosaur because I learned it was impossible, and I gave up on being a singer, well, because I don't have the voice. As we learn more about the complexity of things in life, we become more fearful, therefore, we have a harder time deciding what we want to do; what we want to be. It's all about fear. At least, that's what I think. At least, that's how it is for me.

But, the important thing to remember, is that as long as you know who you are, you can always find a path that suits you. And sometimes, the path will find you. You just have to keep your eyes open so that it doesn't pass you by. I know now, that whatever I end up doing in life, whether it's sticking with my current non-profit or not, what I do will be centered around helping others. That's what I'm passionate about.

Today, I am grateful for people who do what they can to make this wold a better place. For people who are brave enough to be true to themselves. And for people who follow their dreams. We should all aspire to be more like that.

Fair Warning: This Post is Laced With Emotion.

I'm not afraid of emotions. Some people are...

In general, some day's are harder than others.

I think I can speak for everyone, when I say getting out of bed in the morning is one of the worst parts of the day. You've just woken up and you're still tired and still amidst your dreams. It's when your bed feels the most comfy too. You cherish even just one extra minute of lying there on the brink of sleep.

When you feel lost, or sad, or broken, or just unsure of your life in general, it makes that moment so much harder. You would give anything to slip back into your dreams where everything seems to be okay. The thought of facing the day can be sickening. Your bed is like a warm embrace, holding you, and protecting you from the reality that you may not want to face... I've been having mornings like that a lot lately.

I'm reading a book, and it talks a lot about emotions. It talks about how some people make themselves numb to feelings of sadness and pain as a coping mechanism... what they don't realize is that when they do this, they inadvertently make themselves numb to happy feelings too. When you ignore your sad feelings, your ability to embrace good and happy feelings is diminished.  -- I think this is very true, and I think I stand as an example to the opposite of numbing.

Sometimes I think, how wonderful it would be to be able to  numb myself to pain and sorrow. To not even have to deal with it. I feel it would make me stronger, or at least seem that way... The fact of the matter is, I am incapable of the whole numbing thing. I am so susceptible to emotion, that it doesn't even have to be my pains and hardships that get me down and bring me to tears. I feel pain, sorrow, stress, anger -- whatever! -- for even the smallest of issues, woes, hardships, bumps in the road... But, its the same for the opposite. The smallest little things make me so happy, I'm very easily excited, and often times, I get so happy that I cry. And other people's happiness makes me happy too. I appreciate the good that life brings to me and to others as well. I embrace emotion. It's not something I do on purpose. It's just part of who I am. How I operate. -- This is something I know about myself. Something I recently learned.

Sometimes, I wish I could stop, because, when I'm sad, it's hard for me to snap out of it. If something is bothering me, its hard for me to let it go. If I'm upset, I talk about it, and I talk about it and I talk about it. Some people can't handle this part of my personality, which, I can understand. I know that I need to learn to distinguish real problems from minor blips that I sometimes interpret as major issues. I'm a drama queen that way. But it's part of who I am. And I always figure out sooner or later, that sometimes, I do freak out over nothing. I'll learn eventually to figure that out before I start to stress over the "issue." But, I wont stop myself from embracing emotions. I could never give up the feeling of extacy that I get sometimes over the things that make me happy. I think it's worth the overwhelming sadness that I feel sometimes -- that I feel right now. I want so badly to just stop feeling and get over it. Move on with my life. But I can't. If I don't allow myself to go through what I'm going through, I'll stunt my growth. And right now, I'm all about growth.

I'm having a hard time right now. My focus is hard to hold. Sometimes I sleep well, other times I don't. Sometimes I'm so hungry, I feel I could eat for days. And still, other times, I can't even stand the smell of food. My mind is constantly going a million miles a minute. Ideas and thoughts and feelings and memories are all bouncing around inside my unicorn filled head (only some of you will get the unicorn thing). I feel like I could write at least10 different blog posts on all the stuff I'm tossing around up there. But I wont. For now, I'll leave it at this.

I'll offer one piece of advice. Take it, or leave. Change, heartbreak, sorrow... It all sucks. Sometimes it makes getting up in the morning 10 times harder than it already is. But don't ignore it. And also, don't let it defeat you. Allow yourself to feel the pain, but still have the strength to push through the day. One day at a time people. One day at a time.

Today I'm grateful for my amazing family, who always are there for me no matter what; who understand me better than anyone; and who help me to see me for me. <3

Who I think I'm supposed to be Vs. Who I really am

Sometimes in life, things don't work out the way that we planned.


That's one of the problems I have in life... I'm always planning -- trying to get a glimpse in my mind of what my future will be like. I think that it's something a lot of people do. It's not a bad thing... but sometimes it sets us up for disappointment. Even though the changes might be good... it can still be difficult to swallow them at first.

My life right now is NOTHING like what I imagined what it would be after college. I'll paint a picture for you.

I imagined that right now, I would be working for (or still trying to get a job with) a publishing company. I would be moving toward my future career as an editor. If I wasn't living in the big city already, my move there would be imminent. My boyfriend and I would be thinking about moving in together soon and working toward our future lives together. I would be happy.

So where am I really?

I live back in my home town. I don't have any plans on moving anytime soon. I work for a medical non-profit, working toward a future career in the non-profit field, pushing myself everyday to be better. I still want to move to the big city one day, but it may be in the more distant future. I'm single, I live with my parents and most importantly, I'm not 100% happy...

I haven't been happy for a while... I mentioned in my last post that I had felt that I was more lost than ever before and that I felt the need to become more in touch with myself. And I do. I feel that, even though my life is not going in the direction I thought it would, it's still okay. My life is actually heading in a really good direction. I am disappointing that some of the things I'd planned are not working out, but, it's okay. Life is never certain. And it's hard sometimes. But you just have to keep on trucking through. As Eric Mathews would say, "get a helmet."

 The difference in how I thought my life would be and how it is, is not the reason that I'm unhappy. I'm unhappy because I've been pushing myself too hard and I haven't made time to figure out who I am and what does make me happy. I've been too focused on making my life perfect...

I know I've talked a lot about making time for things other than work in several posts recently. But I can't stress it enough. It's something I have known that I needed to do for a while now, but I still haven't been doing it. Well, I've had my wake up call, and starting over this past weekend, I've changed my focus. The new focus is now, maintain my job and continue to learn from it, but the priority is me; find out what makes me tic, what makes me happy, what makes me thrive. Find out all of that and do it. Because the thing I want most in life is to love myself and be happy.


More to come. <3

It's the little things

I think that graduating college and "getting started on your life" is a very challenging time. You've put in all this hard work  so that you can get a good job and be successful... And then, you kill yourself constantly trying to be better, trying to make more money, trying to support yourself and your dreams and eventually you family. It's all very stressful!

I think, that at a young age, an idea is planted into our minds that there are all these things we have to be in order to be successful in life. Get an education, get a job, get promoted, be innovative, be successful, be the best... We think that after college, there's no more room for fun. It's time to buckle down and be serious.

Over the last year and a half, I have been so preoccupied with "getting my life started," getting a dream job, making more money, being the best! So preoccupied that I forgot about me. I forgot about being myself, letting loose, having a good time, enjoying the little things in life... 

All this time, I thought I was finding my way, but I've only come to realize, that I was more lost than I had ever been before.

Realizing something like this is hard. It takes life changing events, I think. (which I seem to have been experiencing a lot lately)

Don't get me wrong. I love my job. I'm so happy that I found my way to it and I still believe whole-heartedly that it is going to help me tremendously. But I never took the time to just be proud of myself. To just say, hey, Alex, good job. Look what you've accomplished. I just kept focusing on getting better, being the best, proving to everyone that I'm amazing! I was so focused on all of that, that I forgot what life is really about...

What's the point of putting yourself through all this stress to get better and be better so that you can get to a point  that you believe will make you happy when you're not happy through the process? So I thought about it, and I decided. I can still put my heart into my job and try to get better, but I don't have to be the best. I don't have to be so hard on myself when I mess up, or when I struggle. It's okay. It's not that serious!

What I need to focus on is getting in touch with myself. Getting to know myself. Having fun and just enjoying the little things in life again. I need to focus on being happy. Because, in the end that's really what's important in life.

Finding Time

Hi there. Been a while, hasn't it?

I've found myself very busy with my new role at work. Training was a long 6 weeks and then I got thrown into things in my new location. It's been crazy, and hectic, and challenging, but also amazing. I really enjoy my new job. Every now and then I have those days where I'm ready to throw in the towel, but I push through and in the end, I'm always glad I didn't.

I learn so much every day. I just know that everything I'm doing, everything I'm learning is going to help shape me into a better professional, and harder worker, and a more successful person. And on top of that, my boss and my preceptor really have a lot of faith in me and they think that I'm going to be so great for the company! Having their support is amazing, and sometimes, it's the push I need to do my best.

While all at work has been great, I've found a familiar trend; I've lost the time to do other things like work on my book, update my blog, or have a social life whenever I'm not up in Tampa visiting my boyfriend. I have however managed to stay on track with working out and staying healthy, but aside from that, bot much. So, now that I'm finally getting settled in to my new role, my new career, my new life, I'm trying to make time for other things again. (Hence the first blog post I've made in nearly 4 months).

It's important to make time for yourself, even when you have an extremely demanding job. It's important to make time for yourself and the things you like, the things you want to accomplish outside of work, the people you love, and your other obligations. So I've allowed my transition to be an excuse long enough. Time to get focused again. After all, life after college isn't all just about landing your first job and advancing your career. There's a whole lot more to it than that!

Now it's time to face the struggle of maintaining my career, juggling my social life, making me time and time for hobbies, and managing my outside of work obligations. Bring it!

2 Weeks in and I'm finally saying Happy New Year!

I'm 13 days into the new year, and so far, I'm off to a pretty awesome start.

I had New Years Eve and Day off so I got to celebrate and ring in the New Year and then relax and enjoy having survived another year on the 1st.

The world didn't end, so I'd say that's pretty good.

Early on in the month I received news of my promotion at work, which is fabulous. Especially because I spent the last quarter of 2012 waiting to find out how I'd fared. That and because it is a huge step in a great direction for me career wise. Not necessarily along the lines of what I'd originally had planned but definitely something that I want and am fairly certain I would like :) It's my first REAL big girl job with a big girl salary and all. So, needless to say, this is probably one of the best things the new year has brought me thus far.

Yesterday, I officially finished the first draft of my novel. :) Quite an accomplishment I'd say. It's been underway for 2 years now and an entire draft is 100 percent complete. I'm very proud of myself for that one. Now I just have to edit and add and edit and revamp and fix and correct and rethink and edit and everything that comes with making a first draft into a first completed novel that is ready for publishing. Plus I have to start putting together my outline for the second book. Sigh. A writer's work is never done. But, I'm still very excited to see all my hard work pay off with a completed story. My first completed novel length work :)

I think, considering that the new year isn't even two weeks in, I'm doing pretty well :) And I plan to continue on this trend. I haven't really made any resolutions, but I do intend to continue working out and eating healthy. I plan on pushing myself even harder this year. I also plan to do everything I can to be the very best I can be in my new position. I impressed them enough to land the job, now I just have to prove myself, and I fully intend on doing so. I also want to strive to be a better person, do more for others, and just push myself to be the best version of me that I can be.

2013 has a lot in store for me, and I plan to make the most and the best of it. Here's to a year of successes. Here's to a year of hard work to get there! :)

Happy New Year everyone. May your year be prosperous and kind.

Life's Full of Tough Choices, isn't it?

When you graduate college and get started on your life, there are so many choices you have to make in order to direct your life into the direction you want it to go. Jobs, relationships, housing, where to move, where to move again, family, friends, spontaneity, risks, love, life, the whole lot! It's crazy and exhausting at times.

But, every choice that is made at this point in life is going to have a huge effect on the path and direction your life takes. Where you end up and where you want to end up could be two totally different places. And where you thought you wanted to end up might change.

I've been struggling with some if these decisions myself over the past year since I've graduated. Should I apply for this job or that job? Should I stay here or move there, should I wait till my boyfriend graduates or leave without him? Will we be able to handle long distance - no, will I be able to handle long distance?

I decided a few months ago to put my fears aside and take a chance. I applied for a really great position that would be an amazing opportunity for me, but would also require me, not only to move, but to move to a town that I know my boyfriend would never move to. It was scary, because it was something that I wanted, but would come with a price. It was scary because it would be a big step and it would be challenging. It was scary because it would be my first real professional position. But I did it. I applied despite all my fears.

I applied and I got it.

And now, all my fears are manifesting into reality. The only thing I can do is give it everything I've got. Try my best. Succeed!
That's what I have to do, and that is what I will do.