Who I think I'm supposed to be Vs. Who I really am

Sometimes in life, things don't work out the way that we planned.


That's one of the problems I have in life... I'm always planning -- trying to get a glimpse in my mind of what my future will be like. I think that it's something a lot of people do. It's not a bad thing... but sometimes it sets us up for disappointment. Even though the changes might be good... it can still be difficult to swallow them at first.

My life right now is NOTHING like what I imagined what it would be after college. I'll paint a picture for you.

I imagined that right now, I would be working for (or still trying to get a job with) a publishing company. I would be moving toward my future career as an editor. If I wasn't living in the big city already, my move there would be imminent. My boyfriend and I would be thinking about moving in together soon and working toward our future lives together. I would be happy.

So where am I really?

I live back in my home town. I don't have any plans on moving anytime soon. I work for a medical non-profit, working toward a future career in the non-profit field, pushing myself everyday to be better. I still want to move to the big city one day, but it may be in the more distant future. I'm single, I live with my parents and most importantly, I'm not 100% happy...

I haven't been happy for a while... I mentioned in my last post that I had felt that I was more lost than ever before and that I felt the need to become more in touch with myself. And I do. I feel that, even though my life is not going in the direction I thought it would, it's still okay. My life is actually heading in a really good direction. I am disappointing that some of the things I'd planned are not working out, but, it's okay. Life is never certain. And it's hard sometimes. But you just have to keep on trucking through. As Eric Mathews would say, "get a helmet."

 The difference in how I thought my life would be and how it is, is not the reason that I'm unhappy. I'm unhappy because I've been pushing myself too hard and I haven't made time to figure out who I am and what does make me happy. I've been too focused on making my life perfect...

I know I've talked a lot about making time for things other than work in several posts recently. But I can't stress it enough. It's something I have known that I needed to do for a while now, but I still haven't been doing it. Well, I've had my wake up call, and starting over this past weekend, I've changed my focus. The new focus is now, maintain my job and continue to learn from it, but the priority is me; find out what makes me tic, what makes me happy, what makes me thrive. Find out all of that and do it. Because the thing I want most in life is to love myself and be happy.


More to come. <3