I Think Notorious BIG Had it Wrong. No Mo Money, Way Mo Problems

Why does being in college have to be the equivalent of being poor? It sucks. I maybe should have considered my bills before I quite the job that served as my main source of income... Yeah.

Well I can at least afford my bills with what I have and what I'll be making before the winter holiday. I just can't spend on anything else... That's like the hardest thing ever. Especially considering that there are so many things I need, like, for instance, a new cord for my laptop. The old one decided to poop out on me and now my computer wont work because it can't charge. Sighs. A life with no computer is no life at all. Is that sad?
I guess I'll have to survive the next month and a half by using other peoples computers every chance I get.

Jobs...
I guess the Job I interviewed with is a no go. I've still heard nothing, and I was supposedly going to receive an e-mail last week regardless as to whether I got the position or not. Oh well. I'll just keep applying.
I did see an ad in the Oracle for an even more perfect job though. The fact that there is a job in my field available in Tampa is amazing in itself. So I applied. Currently, I am anxiously awaiting their reply.
Aside from this, I have also applied for an internship in the publications department with the Disney Corporation :D Wouldn't that be a fabulous gig to get? For me at least, hah! It would be a fantastic dream come true. Sadly, it's all the way in California. How would I survive by my self in that big state of desperate people? It wouldn't be easy.
But I'll still hope for good news from them as well.

Aside from all this, I am trying to enjoy my last few weeks as a college student.

I fear the day when I'll be saying, "Back when I was in college..."

Ready, Set, Graduate!

The count down begins...

A month from tomorrow I will be a college graduate. I can hardly believe it!
I feel like I need to start planning things, like, I already quit one job, now I need to get a real job lined up. I'm still waiting to hear back from the job I interviewed with last week. They told me I'd receive and e-mail this week regardless of whether I got the job or not. Nothing yet.
But that's not it. I need to make plans for celebrating. A Graduation party maybe? Some graduation trips?
I also need to save money like crazy! I know money is going to be tight once one of my jobs is gone. I guess that  means I also have to start planning on getting more hours at my other job. Yuck.
I also need to register for my graduation. It's funny, because that's something I keep talking about, but I haven't actually done it yet. And I have to figure out how to get a cap and gown... Maybe I should make an appointment with my adviser.

Ready or not, here it comes... But I am ready. Mentally anyway. For now.

We'll see how ready I am when it's all actually here.

Out With the Old and in With the New. So They Say.

So I finally caved and quit one of my jobs...

Not beefs. Sometimes I think I'll never get out of there.
I quit the Spa. It was just too much, and I'm really not very happy working there. I mean, I really like all the people I work with (excluding only a few...) but, It's just not the job for me, and apparently I'm not the only one who thinks so. Therefore, I quit.
... I'll still be there through November though. Maybe.

But the good news is I have a Job interview!!! Tomorrow!! And I'm so excited because it's for a job that's actually (more or less) in my field!!! :D I'm stoked and I have really high hopes for this interview tomorrow.
Getting an interview is hard enough, so the fact that this place actually even contacted me is AMAZING!
I'm hoping for the best possible outcome from this mess. I quit one job and hopefully I'll gain another. A better one. One that's more suited for me.
That would be ideal.

Wish me luck!

Work in Progress

Two years ago, I wrote a short story that my teacher told me she could see as a published story book for kids with pictures, but, that I just need to put more work into it to get it there...

So I studied every little detail of my story and tried my best to expand upon it and make it better. But I was stuck. I didn't know where to go. So I put it away to be worked on at a later date.

2 years went by and I finally got the motivation to take it out and look at it, (thanks to a coworker). I have new insights for it, and I am pretty sure about what I'm going to do with it. So much so, that I'm thinking I might be working on getting it published in the very near future. :)

I definitely would like to have it done by January, because there's a huge writers conference going on in New York that I plan on attending, and I know it would be ideal to have some kind of publishable piece prepared incase I meet any publishers.
So excited! :)

Not much excitement other than that for now. Still working hard. Still wanting to quit one of my jobs. But for now, I'm still holding on to both.

Who Has Time to Be Scared of Normal Things? Not Me.

I have an irrational fear... And let me tell you what, irrational fears are so hard to live with.

I mean, mine is pretty bad. Sometimes, it keeps me up at night. Other times I have nightmares that cause me to wake up screaming and literally leaping out of my bed, trying to get away.

But hey, Acceptance is the first step to recovery, right?

I mean seriously, I didn't always know that my fear was irrational. I actually had no idea until a couple years ago. I thought it was a normal fear that most people had.
Okay, so what is my fear? Let me tell you.

Cockroaches. The word itself is enough to make me shudder. I can't even look at a picture of one without freaking out... It's ridiculous, right? I mean whats it going to do to me? Nothing.

The sad part is I know that they can't hurt me, but I am still deathly afraid of them. It's even to the point where I cant step anywhere I've seen them crawl, or touch anything I've seen them touch. Bad right?

For example, earlier tonight I was at the bus stop waiting to go home, and I see one, a huge one, and it flies! No one else at the bus stop even noticed it, and here I am trying not to have a panic attack just from the very sight of it. And it was a crazy one too. It was running around everywhere, and then flying every now and then. It flew back and forth a couple times in front of the bus bench. This is when I had to get up and move as far away as I could, without looking strange, and all the while, keeping my eyes on it to make sure it didn't come near me. There was no way I was going to stop watching it for a second. Then I got paranoid and thought there might be more everywhere around me and I had to start looking around to make sure they weren't. I felt like my skin was crawling.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the bus came. I moved up to the bus, still being mindful of where the bug was to make sure it didn't try to sneak on the bus with us.

And then it lands on a boy's leg who was a few feet behind me. I freaked out. And all he did was shake it off and say, "aw hell naw! That's a big ass roach." For some reason, this made me laugh so hard. If that were me that the roach landed on, I would have gone running and screaming and probably crying too. But all this person did was shake it off, and say 'aw hell naw.

That's how I know my fear is irrational. End of story.

But for some reason, I just can't shake it.

When the Going Gets Tough, The Tough Should Take a Little Break. It's Good For Them.

Stress is going to kill me one day...

I don't know why but I always let myself get so stressed out over little things that really aren't worth it. And sometimes I get so stressed that it's painful... Literally! The sucky thing about all this stress is that I barely have the time to do the things that help me calm down and allow me to release some of the tension.

When life gets to the point where it's really stressful, which at this point in my life, it is (what with graduating, working two jobs and trying to save money), it's important to have time to do something that relaxes you. And, it's also important to have some kind of hobby that makes you feel good and that helps you forget about the stress and just wind down.
For me, this thing is art. I'm not the best artist, but for some reason, sitting down and just coloring, or drawing, or even messing around with photos or film really helps me to unwind and relax and forget about all my worries.
 I think I may have forgotten what that feels like because it has been so long since I've actually sat down to do this. And now, all my stress just builds up because all I do is think about it. I's really unhealthy, and it takes away from who I am as a person, and I don't like that. I'm sure other people don't like it either so, I know I need to do something about it.

I think it would be a good idea for anyone who is stressing out to just take a step back from everything and go do what makes you calm.
I'm going to go grab a pencil and some paper, and get to it.

Sometimes, Working Really Sucks.

Today was many things for me, but mostly, it was just bad...

Work today for some reason was just not working out. I was absent minded, flustered and I just wasn't on the ball with everything I'm supposed to do.

It was so bad in fact, that I had to be spoken with before I left. But it was a good thing. It helped me to realize that I'm slacking a little at work with my responsibilities because its a job that i don't really want. My frustration with this job is starting to affect my performance, and that's bad. So basically, what I learned is that I need to figure out how to separate in my mind, the way I act, with the way I feel... this is something I have always struggled with. I mean, lets face it, I have no poker face. I have a face that reveals all. I wear my emotions on my sleeve, and I often show people my feelings without meaning to. Oops. It's something that, to me, seems to be out of my control. For example, if I get embarrassed, my face turns red. Always. No matter what. It sucks.

But I am going to try and take a deep breath and forget about how I feel about this job. It's just a job. When I'm there, I can deal with everything in a calm manner and try my best not to get flustered and just remember that it's still a job, and if I want to get paid, I have to do it the right way whether I like it or not. And then, at the end of the day, when it's all over, it's over. I don't need to take the stress and frustration home with me. I can leave everything there to deal with when I go back the next day, and enjoy every moment that I'm not there, heh.

Meanwhile, I'll still be enjoying my very affordable spa day's and taking full advantage of the benefits that do come with working at a spa.

On the brighter side, I managed to get car insurance today for a pretty decent price. Yay me. We'll see how good I feel about it when I have to start paying the monthly bill, heh.